Thankful

I have debated for awhile on how and when to write this post. For me, sharing my life has always been therapeutic for me, and the thought of helping others in a similar situation makes it easier.

In early January we found out we would be having baby number three. We were nervous, anxious, excited. The thought of having another rough pregnancy was scary, but we have always wanted more kids and we were excited.

Early in my pregnancy I had some intense cramping. The doctor had me come in that day and did an ultrasound. It was too early to see a baby, but they found a large cyst on my left ovary that didn't seem problematic, just annoying. After testing my HCG levels, we found that it doubled every 48 hours and was where it was supposed to be. I felt relief, but knew I would be cautiously excited until I saw a baby on that screen.

Over the next month I became very sick, just like my pregnancy with Desmond. My doctor was able to prescribe me the same meds that I took when I got really sick with Desmond. On one hand, I hate getting sick but on the the other, it's a reminder that your body is doing what it is supposed to in order to support a pregnancy.

On February 8th we had our first official prenatal appointment. My doctor informed us that I would be considered high risk this pregnancy because of all the complications we had with Desmond. He decided to send me over to a high risk doctor the next to week to determine if I would need a cerclage and they would both basically be my doctors for my pregnancy.

After meeting with him, I was sent over for my ultrasound. As soon as the tech pulled everything up on the screen, we knew something wasn't right. She wasn't saying anything, and we could clearly see that there was an empty sac. She kept moving around and I finally asked her what she was looking for. She said the baby wasn't where it was supposed to be, so she was trying to see if she could find it.

It was at that moment that we knew our baby had not made it.

The next couple days were sad and a little scary. Because of the cyst on my ovary, they could not see in my tube to know if the baby was there. They decided to test my HCG levels once more. If the levels were low (around 100-300), the possibility was that the baby never developed properly. If the levels were much higher than that, the possibility was that I had an ectopic pregnancy. The next morning I went in to find that my levels were 30,000. Not good news. The doctor could not 100% rule out that the baby was in my tube. He did not know if he would need to take my left ovary and tube. I needed surgery.

The next night, I was admitted for surgery. The procedure was laproscopic. The first good news we had received all week was that the surgery had the best possible outcome. They removed a cyst the size of a large orange from my ovary and found that the baby was not in the tube. It appeared the baby never developed, but everything else did: gestational sac, placenta, etc. This was why my levels were so high. Because of this, I also required a D&C.

Since the procedure a week ago, I have been recovering, with my wonderful husband taking care of me. We have had so many friends and family in Fort Wayne step up to take care of us. Today was the first day we made dinner ourselves in nearly two weeks.

I believe that God has a plan for my life. I know that what happens in my life, happens for a reason. I was so excited to add to our family, but for whatever reason, it just wasn't time. If anything, this experience has made me more thankful-thankful for my husband, who I have grown so much closer to in the past two weeks, who took care of me and washed my hair when I couldn't, who held me in pre-op when I finally broke down. I'm thankful for my friends and family who brought me dinners, gave me hugs, and watched my kids. I'm thankful for my children, who's giggles and smiles and kisses have given me so much happiness in the midst of so much pain.

Mostly, I'm thankful for Jesus, who's peace has washed over me and given me the strength to be a good mom and wife in these circumstances. I am disappointed for our loss, but this has not devastated my world. And I am thankful for all the prayers that have been lifted up for us, because without them I wouldn't have that peace that only Jesus can provide.

I write this not only for myself, but to tell you that there is promise and hope. There is light on the other side. I may not understand why these things happen in life, but I have hope knowing that my God directs my path and holds me in His hands. He mourns with me. And He rejoices with me. He pours his love over me.

He has given me so much to be thankful for. So thankful I will be.



“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

SNOW!

This past week, we enjoyed playing out in the snow with the kids. It has been SUPER cold here, but we all bundled up and headed outside.




Keyana even decided to be extra loving to Desmond (even if it does look like she has him in a choke-hold



The kids really like for Shane to pull them around the yard on the sled. I think Shane is looking forward to the day when the kids can pull each other around!



And really, the best part for Keyana is eating the snow. But don't worry, we've taught her all the rules about eating dirty snow, especially the yellow kind. Yuck.




Apart from all the snow, we've been fighting off a terrible cold in the Kohns house. Shane came down with it first and missed some work this week, and it has since been making its rounds.

This coming week will be very exciting. Shane and I are having a great time getting to know some new people (and some old friends) as we have become a part of a new small group through our church. Keyana is also very excited about a field trip to the circus on Friday. Shane and I are also looking forward to having a date night this weekend. It has been entirely too long since we have been out together!

Remember to enjoy life and those around you!

Has it really been that long???

I must say, my blog posting the last several months has been very disappointing. So much has happened that I must catch you up quickly.

1. I gained a new brother when my sister, Frances, married Dave in SC on Labor Day weekend.

2. Shane and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. Don't we just look like little babies here?

3. I began volunteering with the youth at our church in September and have began making some great friendships.

4. I completed another semester of college.

5. I gained a new sister when Shane's brother Justin married Elizabeth in December.

6. We enjoyed spending holidays with our family down in NC.

2011 has started off to be a great year. We have so much to be thankful for. This week I started back to school. I am again taking 12 hours and completing a one-hour class that I had to leave unfinished after becoming sick with mono last semester. We are excited about what this year has to bring and I even made a couple resolutions. I share them with you so that you could help hold me accountable and maybe join me on the journey.

1. After years and years of trying, to actually STOP biting my nails.

2. I will not be buying any new clothes this year. If the kids need bigger sizes, we will search for hand-me-downs and then ransack our nearest consignment shop for awesome deals.

3. I am committing to eating out once a week, at most. Picking something up every other day is so easy with my hectic schedule, but 2011 is a year to save money for us and I am determined to make some changes.

4. I WILL BLOG. My goal is to blog at least once weekly....who knows, maybe I'll even blog more.

So, not a whole lot but it's something. I look forward to all the growth that will happen in my life in 2011 and making the commitment to grow closer to God and my family. I hope you will join me on this journey.

-EAK

Dedicated to Brian from PA...

Dear Brian from PA,
Without your insight, I would not know the definition of a "blog". Without your expertise in the area of coffee beans, I would still be drinking discount coffee. Without your friendship, I would have no place to stay when traveling across the country. For all of these things (and many more), I thank you.
Sincerely, E. (Snow) Kohns


It has been brought to my attention that I have not been updating my blog frequently enough to satisfy my dedicated followers. The past couple of weeks have been super busy. I am finishing up my second summer session of school today. A lot of awesome happenings have went on this summer, so part of me is sad to see it come to an end. On the other hand, I am anxious to really jump into my education, because I am beginning to be able to see the finish line.

The next two weeks will be amazing and will give me the opportunity to really soak up the rest of the summer with Keyana and Desmond before Keyana and I head back to school and Desmond gets to experience a new world full of slimey kids and lots of cool toys that I like to call "daycare". After that, we have so many exciting things happening: my 24th birthday, my sister getting married, and meeting my future-sister-law, Elizabeth. Yes, there will soon be one more Elizabeth Kohns walking the streets. Watch out world.

Stay tuned...

Smart Shopping

The past few weeks have been very busy. We had a great time celebrating Desmond's birthday with some of our Kohns family who came into town. Desmond especially enjoyed his first cupcake.



A couple days later we headed up to Michigan for the annual Kohns family reunion. We made a pit stop in Detroit to catch a Tigers game. Words of wisdom: Sure, buying tickets online will cost a little extra given fees and taxes that come with online shopping. However, there is a perk you cannot overlook: you are guaranteed a seat. Keyana will forever remember this Tigers game as the one where we walked for miles. And moved from seat to seat. Despite the craziness, the game was a lot of fun and the Tigers won!

So, now that I have given you one shopping tip, how about another? I am by no means a coupon fanatic like some people I know. However, I believe in pinching pennies any way I can. This includes taking at least an hour or two each week to clip coupons. Many stores (in my case, Kroger) will double or triple coupons. This can definitely help you save lots on your grocery bill each week. Also, some stores (Kroger again) have online sites where you can download coupons straight to your shopper's card, so there is no printing or clipping involved! You can also "stack" coupons in this way. If you have a coupon for a certain product downloaded to your card, you can also use a paper coupon for the same product. Double savings!!

My last tip is something I have recently started doing. Take the time at the beginning of each week to make a dinner schedule. This has really helped our family. Instead of buying everything in sight at the store, you only buy the things you need for each meal. This has definitely helped save us money each week (no more produce/meat/dairy going bad because it isn't used for a meal), not to mention I never have to worry about what to make for dinner at 5 o'clock. It's already planned out.

Here's to hoping these tips make life a little easier...and cheaper!

Where does the time go?

At 24 weeks of pregnancy, I began to go into labor. My doctor wasn't super concerned at first, only telling me to take it easy and stay off my feet as much as possible. A couple weeks later, I went in for an ultrasound. The nurse left the room to get another nurse. When they returned, I asked them what was wrong. They just smiled and said the doctor would come to speak with me.

With Shane half a country away for work, it was discovered that my body was silently laboring and my baby was in danger of being born nearly 15 weeks early. There was a lot of rushing around. I was hooked up to monitors, given shots to stop my labor and another shot to help mature the baby's lungs. I was put on bedrest. My doctor was hoping I would stay pregnant until June.

The next three months were scary and long. My wonderful husband came home from work every day and made us dinner, washed the dishes, switched out laundry, and anything else that required me lifting more than a couple pounds or bending. I was in and out of the hospital 10 times.

Against all odds, one year ago today I gave birth to my sweet boy Desmond, who weighed in at 8 pounds, 1 ounce.

The last year has flown by. We have adjusted to being a family of four. Keyana loves her baby brother, even though he tends to steal her toys and drive her crazy. I have felt so much more confident the second time around, and I am proud of my kids and what I have accomplished this far as a mother. I couldn't imagine my life without these two precious, amazing little people.

So today, I wish you all a happy 4th. And to my beautiful baby boy, happy birthday. Getting you into this world was scary, trying, and sometimes more than I thought I could ever handle. But in the end, you were more than worth it. I'm so thankful to have you in my life.

Another week begins

We had an eventful weekend here in the Kohns household. I decided to take Keyana on a surprise trip to the zoo Friday. She had a blast. This year we purchased a zoo pass. I highly recommend this! Instead of trying to pack the entire zoo into one day, we can take our time and see different things each trip. Friday we finally got to ride the train. Keyana held onto her brother the entire time and made sure to point out all the cool stuff along the way.

The rest of the weekend involved getting the house cleaned up and, of course, relaxing. We have a busy week ahead of us. I began a new class today: American History to 1877. Exciting, I know. It's crazy how a semesters worth of material and information is jam packed into 5 weeks. I look forward to it though, because it helps me get one class closer to a degree.

This week will also be spent preparing ourselves and the house for a weekend full of family and parties! Our friend Ella will be turning one on July 1st. And of course, Desmond will be one on July 4th! We are looking forward to having some of Shane's family here for all the excitement!

Until next time....